Book 134 - A Year of Magical Learning

Reflection Title: Harness the Power of Regret to Turn Your Pain into Purpose!

Book – The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel Pink

Book Description: Everybody has regrets, Daniel H. Pink explains in The Power of Regret. They’re a universal and healthy part of being human. And understanding how regret works can help us make smarter decisions, perform better at work and school, and bring greater meaning to our lives.

Drawing on research in social psychology, neuroscience, and biology, Pink debunks the myth of the “no regrets” philosophy of life. And using the largest sampling of American attitudes about regret ever conducted as well as his own World Regret Survey - which has collected regrets from more than 15,000 people in 105 countries - he lays out the four core regrets that each of us has. These deep regrets offer compelling insights into how we live and how we can find a better path forward.

Reflection:

I SO BADLY wanted to make the title of this reflection No Ragrets!!!

I can’t ever think about regret without immediately thinking about the idiot boyfriend from the movie, “We’re The Millers”, when he shows off the tattoo that says “No Ragrets” across his chest while meeting the daughters family for the first time. It is literally the first thing that comes to mind always when I hear the word regrets. I probably regret watching that movie because I don’t remember even liking it all that much and it left me with that image seared into my brain. I digress.

Daniel Pink does it again. This guy has books like this down to a science. Short, packed with interested facts and data, tons of stories to illustrate his point and hit it home for the reader, and then send you on your way with some action items on how to apply this knowledge to your own life. If you’ve never read a Daniel Pink book, you are in for a great treat if you are looking to learn something new.

The topic of regret has hit me hard these past few years given what my family has been through. Most of my regrets come from that 39-day period of time when we were blessed to have my daughter physically with us in this world. If you don’t know yet, my daughter Emilia was unexpectedly born on March 15th, 2020 at 22 weeks old and weighing just 1lb 1oz.

My wife and I had no idea what hit us. 3 days before Emilia was born we were at the doctor for an ultrasound and everything was fine. 3 days later we found ourselves in ER and my wife going into labor seemingly out of nowhere. That kicked off a series of events that would occur over the next 40 days that would change my life forever.

While those 39 days were some of the happiest in my life, they were also chocked full of all kinds of painful regrets of both inaction and action like I’d never experienced before in my life. Here are a few…

I regret not noticing my wife’s labor earlier and taking her to the hospital faster to maybe buy us some more time.

I regret not taking more photos in the delivery room with us all as a family as we wouldn’t get to really all be together again until Emilia’s last few days when things got really bad due to COVID visit restrictions at the hospital.

I regret not doing more kangaroo sessions with my daughter when I had the chance because I was too afraid.

I regret not being there the morning that she had a “minor” procedure that turned into a major one so I could do my job and ask all the questions I could and protect her like I was supposed to do as her father.

I regret that her last few days were filled with pain.

I regret that my family never got a chance to meet her in person or say goodbye in person.

I regret that I had to make the call to end her battle.

I regret that I fell asleep during the marathon last kangaroo session as we extubated her and she survived for almost 7 hours into the early morning hours in my wife’s arms until she took her final breaths.

I regret that this world never got to meet the most amazing person and my hero in Emilia Quinn Sears.

Our short time together may have been filled with a lot of regrets, however, I’m determined that will not be the end of her story or my story. I’m on a mission to turn all that regret into a happy ending and a life filled with love and memories of honoring my daughter through living the life that she taught me how to live.

As Daniel Pink says, there is power in regret.

Regret brings powerful feelings and emotions. With anything that is as powerful as pain and regret, if you harness the power, turn it into ideas, and then turn those ideas into action…you just might change the damn world.

That’s the mission that I’ve been on the past 2 years since Emilia passed away in what I’m calling “Living for 2”. It is my purpose in this world to harness Emilia’s incredible strength and courage and bring it into the world through my actions and living a life of values for the 2 of us. She is by my side in my mind in all that I do, literally in this sentence that I’m typing write now. She’s my hero and I owe it to her to turn our shared pain and regret into something magical to share with this world.

That is the power of regret!

Question: How can you harness your regret to change your world!

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Links:

What is The Year of Magical Learning? An Introduction

YOML Podcast Discussion - Coming Soon

YOML Bookstore - The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel Pink