Book 228 - A Year of Magical Learning

Reflection Title: When to Ring the Bell!

Book – The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control is the Engine of Success by Walter Mischel

Book Description:

Renowned psychologist Walter Mischel, designer of the famous Marshmallow Test, explains what self-control is and how to master it.

A child is presented with a marshmallow and given a choice: Eat this one now, or wait and enjoy two later. What will she do? And what are the implications for her behavior later in life?

The world's leading expert on self-control, Walter Mischel has proven that the ability to delay gratification is critical for a successful life, predicting higher SAT scores, better social and cognitive functioning, a healthier lifestyle and a greater sense of self-worth. But is willpower prewired, or can it be taught?

In The Marshmallow Test, Mischel explains how self-control can be mastered and applied to challenges in everyday life -- from weight control to quitting smoking, overcoming heartbreak, making major decisions, and planning for retirement. With profound implications for the choices we make in parenting, education, public policy and self-care, The Marshmallow Test will change the way you think about who we are and what we can be.

Reflection:

When to ring the bell? Is this the most important question we face every single day of our life…It honestly may just be!

What does “ringing the bell” mean? In the Marshmallow Test, a child is presented with a marshmallow and given a choice: Eat this one now, or wait and enjoy two later. Then the researcher left the room, and the child was told they could ring the bell anytime and the researcher would come back. Then the fun happened as we observed what the kids did.

I’d been really interested in learning more about this famous “Marshmallow Test” experiment for a while now. The idea of it has sat in the back on my mind since I first learned about it from Maria Konnikova’s book, The Biggest Bluff, who studied under the famed psychologist who conducted the original experiments, Walter Mischel. I was intrigued as to what it was all about and immediately added it to my Anti-Library almost 2 years ago. For some reason, I could never pull the trigger on starting it, even though I really wanted to. I think deep down I thought it was a gimmick or something. I thought that there is no way that a test of a 3-year-old as to whether they ate a marshmallow quickly could predict anything about their future success or lack thereof in life.

Each day, we are tasked with deciding when to “ring the bell” in our own lives in every dimension of our life. We walk this delicate balance between our future dreams and rewards vs the here and now reality. That is the essence of being a human. The promise / or lack thereof of the future is so enticing/disheartening that it can get us to act in one or another in the present.

For me, when to “ring the bell” isn’t really the right question to ask though…it is why do you ring the bell?

The most important lesson I’ve learned on this journey is the idea of conscious doing or tying your actions to meaning and purpose. It takes will power out of the decision-making process and distills down your actions to a simple question, “Does this align with my values and purpose in life?”

If it does…do it! If it doesn’t…don’t! It is really that simple for me these days.

Here’s my answer to when to ring the bell using Conscious Living as my framework for decision making. 6 days out of seven, I will never ring the bell AND I won’t even eat the first marshmallow either. I won’t take it home my rewards and save them up or anything like that either and eat them all at once. I would probably tell the researcher to donate it or something after they pulled me out of the room. However, on one day of the week, I’ll eat the marshmallow right away. If they offer me a second one, I would eat that right away as well. And a third one, and so on until I felt I had enough. That is because on 6 days of the week I’m strict with my diet to make sure I can be as clear as I can to write, work, sleep well, exercise to my fullest, etc. These are the activities that matter to me and I take them seriously as they align to my values and purpose. One day a week, I leverage my other values of play and have fun to give myself the freedom to relax and do what I want within reason. Hence, why I would eat the marshmallow right away on that particular day.

So, if you happen to give me the marshmallow test on that particular day of the week, I’d look like I have zero self-control, but that isn’t the truth. It is actually the exact opposite.

Conscious Living isn’t some secret that only I’ve discovered, anyone can do it. It has to be taught, learned, and lived...but it is not hard. As a matter of fact, it is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

Truthfully, living life the other way, let’s call it helter skelter, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Having no rhyme or reason as to why you eat the marshmallow or not on any given day is exhausting. It’s exhausting because every single activity you will face will require pure willpower to fuel your actions one way or another. Willpower is great, but it is a depleting resource. Once it is used up, it is gone for the day and everything else suffers. Willpower should be thought of as a “break glass in case of emergency” tool and not how you operate day to day in your life. For every other action, let you values be your guide to Conscious Living and take willpower out of the equation and let values fill your decisions with energy and conviction.

Question: Why would you ring the bell or not?

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Links:

What is The Year of Magical Learning? - An Introduction

YOML Podcast Discussion - Coming Soon

YOML Bookstore - The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control is the Engine of Success by Walter Mischel