Book 257 - A Year of Magical Learning

Reflection Title: My Happiness Hypothesis!

Book – The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathon Haidt (Part 5 / 5)

Book Description: The Happiness Hypothesis is a book about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to savor one idea that has been discovered by several of the world's civilizations—to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives and illuminate the causes of human flourishing. Award-winning psychologist Jonathan Haidt shows how a deeper understanding of the world's philosophical wisdom and its enduring maxims—like "do unto others as you would have others do unto you," or "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"—can enrich and transform our lives.

Reflection:

I’ve been busy these past few years!

Ever since Emilia passed away, I’ve been on a quest where I’ve been exploring, studying, learning, experimenting, writing, teaching, and applying all of what I’ve found to my life to figure out what works and what doesn’t for me. All this work has been done to orient myself around understanding why I’m here in this world, what I really care about, and how can I find a way to honor my daughter’s life by filling my time in this world with purpose just like she taught me.

Our culture would summarize all of what I just wrote into one phrase…the pursuit of happiness.

Here’s the thing, after this journey I’m more convinced now than ever before that the word “happiness” as we know it and use it today is flawed and not really what we are all after. We’ve learned in The 4 Agreements to “Always be Impeccable with your Words” because they are everything. Well, I think it is time we gave the word “happiness” a deep look and refresh in pop culture because the meaning is sketchy at best to most of us.

Look, I think I know what people mean when they say they want to feel “happy”. I feel it too. We all crave that feeling where everything feels aligned in our life, where we feel balanced and in control, where we feel in tune with our surroundings, where we feel connected with the people around us, and where we find fulfilled in the moment.

The problem is that is the way we define and speak about happiness has nothing to do with what I just described. We talk about happiness as end state or an outcome to be achieved after a long-fought pursuit. Happiness is something we think we should always be striving for as a north star to follow and if we are lucky, we will find ourselves there someday. Here’s my issue with that thought, outcomes are meaningless, and we all know it. If you’ve ever accomplished anything in your life that you set a goal for and ultimately achieved, you probably know that the moment you received your reward for all your hard was underwhelming at best, and sometimes world shattering at worst. Whether you got a promotion, received a degree, climbed mount Everest, won a championship, made a million dollars, or even won a noble prize; that high goes away almost as quickly as it came and you are left wondering what next.

I think I read once that the high you get from reaching a goal at best lasts for 3 days. THREE DAYS!!!

Three days is a fart in the wind of the 27,375 days an average human being lives in their lifetime.

I don’t know about you, but I for damn sure do not want to spend my lifetime in the pursuit of happiness so my final 3 days can feel somewhat okay…maybe!

What do you do? For me, that answer is simple, focus on the journey. Who cares about the results, just do what you love to do with the people you love to do it with. If you align your values around the things you do and the people you do it with, you will find the fulfillment you seek EVERY SINGLE DAY! Not 3 days out of 27,375, but 27,375 out of 27,375.

I can’t even begin to describe to you how amazing I feel after I finish writing one of these reflections each morning, get back in from a run with Emilia, learn something new with her that I can’t get out of my mind, or have a discussion with Trieu about what we both are learning. It is an incredible feeling of fulfillment that I receive and get to share with my daughter every single day of my life. That fulfillment lets me know that I’m where I’m supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and doing it with who I am supposed to be doing it with.

That is my definition of happiness – aligning what you love around the work you do and the people you do it with every single day. I call that meaningful work and meaningful relationships.

My hypothesis is that if I strive to live every day of my life filled with purpose, meaning, and fulfillment…I will find my “happiness”.

I’ll keep you posted if it is working or not as we go.

Question: What is your happiness hypothesis?

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Links:

What is The Year of Magical Learning? An Introduction

YOML Podcast Discussion - Coming Soon

YOML Bookstore - The Happiness Hypothesis