Book 86 - A Year of Magical Learning

Reflection Title – If you want security, attach to your values!

Book - Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Book Description: We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

Discover how an understanding of adult attachment - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

Reflection:

Well, what an interesting book that was completely off my radar, but I’m glad I read it as I learned a lot.

The compound effect in action again in my life.

Let me explain, my ClubAny Co-Founder and I recently decided to start a podcast to share other people’s “I Can’t Imagine” stories about overcoming trauma to find purpose in their life. We want this to serve a platform for people to share their mission, values, and life experiences while simultaneously helping us to connect with other purpose driven people to invite into our tribe, ClubAny. During our first podcast recording session, our guest talked about this book, and how it really helped him to open up with his therapist, the world, and helped him to not be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for help after his own “I Can’t Imagine” event. That podcast recording session, and description from him, was plenty enough to get me to add it to my anti-library to check out in the future possibly.

In true The Alchemist fashion, the universe made it crystal clear that I needed to read this book when it delivered an omen smack in my face right afterward.

My Co-Founder and I also host a bi-weekly event we do called an “Anti-Book Club” to help promote our Core Value of learning and sharing our knowledge with others. It is the reverse of a normal book club. Instead of doing 1 book together, we let each participant talk about what they are reading, what they are learning, why it was impactful or not, and allow each other to ask questions and talk about the books to figure out if they are interested. It is designed to help us all build our Anti-Libraries (all the books we want to read). It is a lot of fun.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, right after that podcast where we heard about this book, we hosted our Anti-Book Club where one of our guests shared this book as their book they were reading. I couldn’t help but to chuckle, thank the universe, and then I went and downloaded the book immediately and decided to make it my next read.

Here we are just 4 days later and I’m writing this reflection. The compound effect, omens, and the universe in all at their finest.

So, what did I really learn from this book…a lot actually! It is always great to learn more about the psychology of why we do what we do. The more we know about ourselves, the better. To me, this book is really helping us all to improve communications between people in a relationship to ensure a mutually beneficial experience. Step one in improving communication is always to know yourself inside and out. You must be an expert on you. How are you supposed to effectively communicate what you need if you don’t know it yourself? Sadly, this is where so many of us are at our worst. You would think that knowing yourself should be the easiest part of this equation, in actuality, it is often the hardest.

I’m beginning to feel like a broken record here, but this is where values can become a game changer in our lives.

What we value is who we are!

Values help us to put words around how we feel inside and share it with the world. They serve as a compass to help guide our interactions and actions we take. When we have values, we know ourselves and have all the tools we need to ensure effective communication.

If you want to move toward a more “secure” attachment style, attach to your values and they will always steer you in the right direction.

Question: What’s your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or secure)?

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Links:

What is The Year of Magical Learning? An Introduction

YOML Podcast Discussion - Attached

YOML Bookstore - Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller