Book 97 - A Year of Magical Learning (Top 5 - Five Part Reflection)

Reflection Title – The Space Between Stimulus and Response is Your Freedom to Chose

Book – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (5/5)

Book Description: In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen R. Covey presents a holistic, integrated, principle-centered approach for solving personal and professional problems. With penetrating insights and pointed anecdotes, Covey reveals a step-by-step pathway for living with fairness, integrity, service, and human dignity--principles that give us the security to adapt to change and the wisdom and power to take advantage of the opportunities that change creates.

Reflection:

The words “We are Responsible (Response Able)” that Stephen Covey says in the 7 Habits is something that always sticks in the back of my mind, and I think of often. It is so empowering to think about and to remember that we have the ability to choose our response to any situation or circumstance that is put in our path.

There aren’t a lot of things we can control in this world, but our ability to respond to an outside stimulus (or an external as the Stoics would call it) might be the only thing truly in our power.

We can’t control what happens to us. For instance, one day you can be walking along happy as a clam and visiting the doctor with you 22 week and 2-day pregnant wife for a routine ultrasound and be told that everything looks great and to enjoy your trip to Hawaii upcoming later this month. 4 days later, you’re in the hospital watching your wife delivering your child at 22 weeks and 6 days old and having your daughter whisked off to the NICU and not knowing if she’ll survive the next minute, hour, day, etc.

We can’t control the emotions that rush over us when moments like these happen in our lives. You don’t have a choice. You will be filled with every possible emotion you can imagine seemingly out of nowhere and all at once. Joy and happiness to meet your first child, fear that they won’t survive, sadness that this is happening to your family, embarrassment that this isn’t supposed to be this way, jealousy that others have it easier, optimism that you still have a chance at a happy ending, lost, frustrated, angry, confused, numb…you name it. We can’t stop the emotions from coming. Frankly, I don’t want to stop the emotions from coming because that is an important part of our evolution, our dna, and what it means to be human.

So if we can’t control what happens to us or how we feel about it…what can we control? What we can control is that tiny space between when what happens to us and the subsequent emotions that wash over us in a tidal wave, and the response of how we choose to move forward. That tiny space is where we find our freedom and can retake control of our lives. That tiny space is when we get to decide what our next action will be as we respond to the things we can’t control. That tiny space between stimulus and response is everything and what makes each of us unique.

How do we decide what to do? For me, I’ve learned in that tiny space that I should always fall back on my values. Stop what you are doing…literally stop…and spend time with your values. Go look at them, reflect about what they mean to you, consult them on what to do, filter ideas on what to do next through them to see if they hold up, etc. Take as much time as you need in this moment in consultation with your values. This is what they exist for, this is their purpose. They exist to help and guide you to the response that best aligns to your unique journey and path in this world.

Fair warning…this is not easy to do, and I’m certainly not great at it myself. However, this is what I will always strive to do for the rest of my days because it keeps me aligned to what I say matters most no matter what is thrown in my path. Your emotions are important, but they don’t know you. Everyone has all the same emotions, and they are deployed at random unconsciously. Your values, on the other hand, do know you. Your values are hand crafted in partnership with God. Your values are your unique compass and guide to this world.

When forced to a decision, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather trust in my values in that space between stimulus and response to illuminate my path forward.   

Question: What do you fall back on in moments of decisions to help guide your path forward?

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Links:

What is The Year of Magical Learning? An Introduction

YOML Podcast Discussion - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

YOML Bookstore - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey